Throwback Thursday?

So recognizing that this is, in fact, a blog, and therefore can be read by anyone out there with an internet connection, it occurred to me how obnoxious it might seem that one of my goals is to become a "ripped hottie."  To clarify, I say this with both 1) extreme irony, as based on the past 31 years of my life it is not a goal I ever thought I would be anywhere even close to achieving and, 2) full awareness that it totally violates everything I've said in the last year and a half about how strength training is important for me specifically and women in general precisely because it take the focus away from appearance and puts it where it belongs, on performance.

That said, it is my goal right now. I hope to, at some point, in an epically long post (or several, or a whole series, or something) go into more of my background and how I ended up so tragically, morbidly obese, and how I found my way out of that, but here's the Clif notes version that I put together while looking for nutrition coaches a couple weeks ago:

I am a 31 year old woman, finishing up school for physical therapy and living in Boston, MA. I'm a current powerlifting junkie, former fat kid/young adult (topped out in high school at 300#), I lost about 75# slowly through my 20s with some decent overall healthy diet changes and a lot of agonizing cardio and occasional bouts of dieting (South Beach, Weight Watchers, etc). My biggest physical transformation has occurred over the last year and a half, I started working with a physical therapist and trainer [Chris! for those following along from other posts] (who I had been seeing for physical therapy for nagging shoulder pain and who became an amazing force for change in my life and who I love and continue to work with) in November 2011 and he got me started weight training. With the training and some basic diet changes (no alcohol, limited sweets, much more protein and fewer crap carbs) I went from 225# to 195# (I'm 6' tall) and saw really wonderful changes in my body composition, mental attitude and outlook. After reaching my general goal of "getting in shape" by my 30th birthday in April 2012, I wanted something more to work towards so started powerlifting last May. I have participated in two competitions and really love the sport. I still work with my trainer (who is also now a close friend and mentor) and am really happy with the programming he writes me for the weight room, but I don't think he gets my food issues.

[large section where I go into excruciating detail about my pre-comp diet to get down to 179.4 for weigh-in and post-comp binge to balloon back up to 210#. YAAAAAaaaaaayyyyy . . . . . Also for a later post.]

I know I have a problem with portion control and I know I am an emotional eater and prone to bingeing for the sake of feeling over-full as a replacement for feeling sad/lonely/etc. Over-eating has been a coping mechanism since I was a kid and it's how I ended up 300#. Overall I am in a much better place and over-eat/binge much less frequently, but it is still an issue for me, especially when I am not on a strict/specific plan. I have been a calorie-counting crazy person for a while, I have daily food diaries for pretty much every day for the last 3 and a half years (I use sparkpeople.com).

So. Yeah. I get wordy when I start talking/writing/explaining my relationship with food. Which is the point of this here bloggy-blog-blog in the first place.

To make this a true throwback thursday a la Instagram, here's a couple pictures to provide some evidence to the story above.

My brother and I as totally awesome punk rockers. Proof that at some point I was on the way to losing my babyfat and being a normal weight (about age 7 here I think.)

Highschool. Mom's birthday. Proof that that 'normal weight' was never achieved. I am around 280-300# or so. Note that I do not actually fit all the way into the frame (there's more of me!)

23 years old, a little less fat at around 250# and actively (sort of) trying to do  something about it (hello 45 minutes on the elliptical!)

At a Christmas party last year (2012) at a very happy weight of 195#. Weight training  works wonders!

Getting my rack height checked for my comp in March 2013. I weigh 179.4# in this picture. That fact alone blows my mind. To be fair, I am also dehydrated, sort of emotionally unstable and so hungry I am on the verge of eating the barbell instead of squatting it.

Training: OFF AGAIN. This is my first time taking back-to-back off days since April 11 and 12. Plus it's a deload week. I am going to be so fresh by the time I get back to heavy weights on Monday I WILL NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT. Or at least that is the plan.