Oh, Monday.

I had ZERO interest in my training today when I started. Part of it was that I had decided not to split-jerk this week because of tweaking my shoulder last week and because my wrist is bothering me and I figure I may as well try to go into the competition as NOT banged up as possible. Instead I did 6 sets of 67#x5 strict overhead presses supersetted with inverted rows, which was somewhat challenging but not exciting in the least. Getting up off the floor after each set of inverted rows felt like pulling myself up through molasses.

I was so desperate to get out of the gym sooner rather than later that I changed up the set/rep scheme for my speed bench and dumbbell rows so I ended up doing 5x4 speed bench and 5x8 dumbbell rows. This actually ended up working out really well because I was able to get three sets of speed bench with 105# on the bar, and being able to cleanly get out 4 reps three times in a row makes me feel very confident using that weight as my opener at the comp. This change also worked out nicely because it meant I was doing as many reps and as much weight on my dumbbell rows as the guy working next to me, except he was supersetting his rows with checking out his bicep definition in the mirror, rather than speed-benching. BURNED, RANDOM GYM DUDE!

After finishing up the rest of my accessory work (dumbbell floor presses and rear lateral flys), it was off to my favorite hill in Somerville for HIIT hill sprints. I kept it to 6 as it's not easy going from the gym to hill sprints, and I was both happy to only be doing 6 sprints and also pretty happy that I was able to keep my intensity high through them all. Every time I hill sprint it does get easier and I feel like I recover faster between sprints, which is a pretty neat thing. The human body is a rather amazing piece of work . . .

In other not-at-all-suprising news considering yesterday and today, I AM HELLA SORE, YO.

Squatsquatsquatsquatsquat

Today was . . .  SQUAT SUNDAY!

And it was as much fun as Squaterday (aka Saturday) used to be regularly, because just like Squaterday pre-June, I was training with Chris, which makes lifting immediately 1,000x more awesome.  In addition to being an awesome coach, he's also just a really intense and inspiring lifter, which always makes me push myself harder.

It was a great morning and reminded me how much fun it is to lift with other people (we were also training with another guy who is competing in the upcoming meet, which added to the fun), especially if you're all focused on the same thing. It was also helpful because we were lifting at Commonwealth Sports Club, and I like getting practice lifting in unfamiliar or less familiar environments with more people around as the transition from solo lifting at the Y to the atmosphere of a powerlifting meet can be a little overwhelming. It was also nice because the rack we were using was not set up with a mirror, which also replicates the set-up at the meet (it would have been even better if we could have gotten 20-30 people to sit in folding chairs and just stare at me while I attempted to squat but I suppose that it probably asking a bit much.)

My actual squat itself was unfortunately thoroughly unimpressive. The bar continues to feel incredibly heavy with anything over 135# on it. Today I worked up to 195#x3 and 205#x1, though Chris gave me a bit of a spot through my sticking point (I think I could have worked through it on my own though, but who knows.) It was great to get some coaching and cues from Chris, apparently I am going too low and losing some of my tightness at the bottom (which has always been an issue for me) and my heels are actually coming up off the floor at the bottom (that is really bad.) At this point I am just trying to get through the squat at the comp and do my real PR work on bench and dead, as I'm planning to open with 185# (lower than I've ever opened, but I need to get a clean lift in immediately so I don't worry about bombing out), and then trying for 205# (my current meet PR) and then 215#/225# based on how I'm feeling.

The rest of lifting felt great though, I did my last couple sets of snatch grip deads at 175#x6, and Chris said my overall form on those is looking really solid, so that was nice to hear. They also have a prowler at CSC so I finished with a couple rounds of prowler-pushing with 145# added to the sled and being able to finish a session with quick, intense conditioning always makes me extra happy.

To top it all off, it's re-feed day, so I am off to make myself some almond butter banana pancakes. YUM. Life. Is. Good.

Turkey Pumpkin Chili

I freaking love fall. I love how the air feels crisp and clean, I love the leaves changing color, I love that I can wear a hoodie almost every day, and I don't even mind it getting dark earlier as it makes my own embarrassingly early bedtime seem a little less absurd. Of all the things I love about the fall though, it's possible the thing I love most is pumpkin. I really can't get enough it. I was beyond thrilled today at Trader Joe's to see it's back in stock, and had to seriously restrain myself from buying every can on the shelf, instead limiting myself to 6, mostly because I was already pulling them off as fast as they could restock (why oh why I decided to go to Trader Joe's at 4:30 on Saturday afternoon is beyond me . . .) Between now and Thanksgiving I'll be trying to stock up on enough pumpkin to get me through the winter and into spring, as it's gone from store shelves far too soon in my opinion.

I'm pretty much a seasonal marketer's dream as I also ended up buying Harvest Blend tea and Pumpkin Rooibus tea as well as two actual sugar pumpkins to make my own pumpkin puree, and only avoided the pumpkin biscotti and pumpkin granola because they both are gluten- and sugar-filled diet disasters. (OMG. It just occurred to me that Polar might make a pumpkin-flavored limited-edition fall seltzer. I would so buy that.)

My diet has been going well (as of this morning I am only 5# over my weight class!) and so I don't want to change anything up from the last several weeks, as clearly it's working, but I also couldn't stand another week of exactly the same thing I've been eating for the last three (frittata for breakfast and zucchini turkey burgers for lunch) so decided to make turkey pumpkin chili instead. I think it turned out quite well, and am excited to bring it for lunch this week as I imagine it will get better every day. The recipe below is adapted from several I found online, but I changed it enough to call it my own I think :)

Add 1/2 cup vegetable broth (or a couple TB of the oil of your preference) to a large pot over medium-high heat. Add 2# of 99% lean ground turkey, season with salt and pepper and break up into chunks and cook until lightly browned and cooked through (5-10 minutes). Remove turkey from pot and add more vegetable broth or oil and then add:

• 2 medium yellow onions, chopped
• 2-3 bell peppers, chopped (I used 2 red and 1 green)
• 1 jalapeno pepper, seeds and ribs removed, diced
• 3 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 4-oz can chopped green chilies (from Trader Joe's)
• 1 bunch of kale, stems removed, coarsley chopped (totally optional, but if you've got it hanging around from your CSA, throw it in!)

Season with salt and pepper and saute over medium heat until onions and peppers are soft, about 10 minutes. Then stir in:

• 30 oz canned diced tomatoes (make sure you have the ones WITHOUT basil added)
• 2 14-oz cans pumpkin puree 
• cooked ground turkey
• 2.5 TB chili powder
• 1.25 TB cumin
• 1-2 tsp salt (depending on how much you've already added and how salty you like your chili)
• 1 tsp fresh ground pepper
• a few good shakes of cayenne pepper (depending on how spicy you like your chili)
• a few shakes of cinnamon (if you're into that sort of thing, I think it is a delicious addition)

Simmer 20-40 minutes until it smells and tastes delicious. Then stir in:

• 1/2 cup chopped cilanro
• 1-2 TB apple cider vinegar

Serve with cilantro, avocado, Greek yogurt, etc (whatever you like to serve your chili with.)

I think this would also be delicious with the addition of white beans or black beans, and I'm sure could also handle other vegetable additions should you need to use up more of last week's CSA :)

HIIT and heart rate recovery

Turns out I was not actually that annoyed at myself for leaving my HIIT hill sprints for this evening. I got through nine of them fairly easily, and felt good throughout. I also measured my heart rate after the last one, and then again a minute later, and was pretty pleased with both numbers.

My heart rate was 148 at the end of the ninth sprint, which is about 80% of my heart rate max, meaning I am hitting the nail on the head with the intensity of my conditioning as my goal is to work in the 60-80% heart rate max range. After a minute of rest/strolling down the hill my heart rate was 104, and I'm pretty happy with a 44 beat recovery in one minute. The heart's ability to recover after exercise is a great measure of cardiovascular fitness, and though I can't find any definitive and reliable guides online that tell me exactly where a 44 beat recovery puts me, from what I've seen under 12 beats means you've got major problems and anything over 40 means you're in great shape, so I'll take it!

This also makes me even more confident that yes, heavy weight training with high intensity DOES count as cardiovascular activity, as I don't think I can credit my cardio fitness to the few sessions of HIIT I've done over the past few weeks. Three cheers for heavy weights!

Bench Day

Good things about today's training:
1) I benched 120#x2, with the first rep competition-clean (a solid pause on my chest and butt stayed on the bench), the second rep not so much.
2) I benched 125#x1, also competition clean (though the pause might have been slightly shorter - here's hoping the judge gives quick commands.)
3) I made it through all 5 sets of band-assisted pull-ups. For whatever reason these have felt really brutal lately and I have been skimping and only doing 2-4 sets instead of the planned 5.

Less good things:
1) I had every intention of biking from the gym to Walnut St to do hill sprints, but on the way home, with my stomach rumbling and my legs completely tanked from yesterday's deadlifts, I remembered that because I am not squatting until Sunday, I can actually do hill sprints tomorrow and still have a rest day before I train legs again. This led me to bike home instead of to Walnut St. How much I'll regret this decision tomorrow when instead of an off day I have to run a series of hill sprints after work remains to be seen . . .

At the moment, I'm thinking I will open my competition bench at 110#, set my second attempt at 120# and then my third at either 125# or 130# depending on how 120# feels. Even though I got 125# today, translating those numbers to competition, where my nerves are running high and I have to wait for commands to bench, press and rack, can be a tricky thing.

Deadlift Domination

In direct contrast to my thoroughly uninspiring day on Monday, today's gym time was freaking great. No coincidence that it was deadlift day.

This is my last week of heavy-ish lifting pre-comp, and while I am not trying to test any 1-rep maxes, I am trying to get as much weight on the bar as I can comfortably handle for triples and doubles. One of my major problems with translating gym performance to competition performance is nerves and lack of confidence, so having some recent gym successes to remind myself of what I am capable of is always helpful.

Today I pulled 265# for two very quick singles, essentially just taking enough time between them to re-set myself (about 20 seconds I'd estimate.) Both lifts came off the floor pretty easy and I was able to get them up cleanly, without rounding my back or hitching (resting the bar on my legs) at all. In my last comp my heaviest clean deadlift was 260# so I am feeling very positive about busting that record relatively easily. At the moment I am tentatively planning on opening with 245#, then trying for 275# and will base my 3rd attempt on how 275# goes.

After getting 265# up twice, I had a monumental passing random thought that went something along the lines of "Rachel, you are 200 pounds of bad-ass." This, without a doubt, marks the first time in my life I have felt solidly proud of all 200 pounds of me, and not wished that number was less. I'm not saying my scale obsession is cured (HA!) but it was a lovely feeling.

Potential reasons today's deadlifting went so well:
1) I went to bed last night at 8:30 and so got over nine hours of sleep.
2) The summer's worth of "rehab" back-strengthening accessory work (not to mention the last couple years of back-strengthing work) and spending a couple months squatting sumo style is paying off.
3) Removing stimulants/caffeine from my pre-workout routine for the last few months has made adding them back in super-effective.
4) Sometimes the deadlift gods are kind.

Regardless of the reason, I am very happy. And also very (appropriately) sore :)

You know what's real important? Warming up

I know this. I know this. I have a solid 5-10 minute warm-up built into every day that I lift. But sometimes I get lazy, and I move through that warm-up too slowly or too quickly and I'm not paying attention and don't really realize/care that even though I have done my "warm-up," I am not, in fact, warmed up. Which is what happened today. So when I went to do a set of split-jerks with just the bar, on the very first one my left shoulder popped all crazy like and twinged in a not so great way and all of a sudden I realized how very NOT warmed up my shoulders were.

In the end it was not a huge deal, I switched to push presses instead of split jerks after a couple more unsuccessful-feeling sets of split jerks and kept the weight pretty light, as even after I actually did get myself thoroughly warmed up my left shoulder still felt a little unstable and I didn't feel like I was moving the bar with any sort of decent coordination. Especially since the overhead press/split jerk is not a competition lift there's just no reason to push it right now. And I was able to get all of my accessory bench work in even if I felt blech the whole time.

All in all, not the most successful day at the gym, but I went and got it done, so that is good. I only have two more weeks of real training before deload week before the comp, so I want/need to pick up my intensity to decent level over the next few training sessions. I will definitely be drinking some black coffee pre-workout, and I'm pretty sure that'll help.

Food prep, or the activity formerly known as cooking

It is an oft-repeated and (unfortunately) true statement that physique change (aka fat loss, muscle gain, body recomposition) happens in the kitchen more than the gym. While you certainly need to lift some weights to grow some guns, if you don't clean up your eating no one will ever see those rippling biceps, sick traps and beautiful quads because they'll all be covered up under a layer of fat, which you pretty much have to take off by adjusting your diet, as there's only so much high-intensity fat-loss training that you can do before you hit a serious wall of diminishing returns.

When I first started training and trying to clean up my diet it was enough to cut out alcohol and most sweets and generally just eat whole foods that I cooked myself. That helped me shed 20-25# of fat without making radical changes to the way I eat and that was awesome. At this point though, if I want to lose weight or shed fat I have to be pretty strict about what goes into my body and when. One of the most frequent questions I get from friends and family is what I eat and how I stick to my diet, so I thought I'd spend a blog post or two describing my usual weekly routine.

Regardless of where you are on the dieting/cleaning up your eating spectrum, I think it's immensely helpful to spend a couple of hours each week doing food prep. I spend about two hours every Sunday cooking food for the week, which allows me to not have to cook at the end of a long day during the week, and makes putting together lunches for myself a quick 5-minute process each evening. This morning I made:

• A giant frittata (made of 6 eggs, 3 cups of egg whites, 1# of ground buffalo, 3 bell peppers, 2 onions, 1 zucchini and 8 ounces of baby bella mushrooms) that I eat for breakfast every day along with salad greens.
• 8 zucchini turkey burgers. Perfect for throwing on top of salad greens for lunch.
• 2.5# of boneless, skinless chicken breasts, poached. I use Martha Stewart's recipe and just adapt with whatever I have on hand in the fridge for flavoring - today it was a lemon, garlic, carrot, salt and pepper in the poaching liquid. This chicken breast is easy, fast protein that can be tossed into stirfries or sliced on top of salads or eaten by itself when I'm feeling uninspired and just need to get the protein into my body (which happens some days.)
• Steamed sweet potatoes. For starchy carb fuel pre-workout and to throw into salads or eat as a side throughout the week.
• Steamed cauliflower. For salads or as a veggie side with fish. (I often will make a big batch up peppers and onions to eat with salads or as a veggie side through the week, but I got so much cauliflower in my farm share this week that I had no choice.)

I also always keep a big box of salad greens from Whole Foods on hand, as well as bags of frozen veggies and frozen fish from Trader Joe's (tilapia usually, it cooks up in 10 minutes in the oven) and also have lots of fresh vegetables from my farm share. Once I've got all these cooked and frozen and fresh options on hand, it makes putting together meals a lot easier and faster. For instance, tomorrow I'll be eating:

Breakfast: A giant piece of frittata (heated up in the toaster oven) on top of salad greens dressed with lemon juice, salt and pepper. Followed up by a tablespoon of coconut butter for a sweet treat.
Lunch: Turkey burger and cauliflower on top of salad greens dressed with olive oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper. Snap peas or carrots for a snack.
Pre-workout: Sweet potato, banana and a protein shake.
Post-workout: Low-fat granola and almond milk.
Dinner: Stir fry with fresh eggplant, frozen broccoli, poached chicken (spiced with dried ginger, garlic, mustard, crushed red pepper, sesame seeds and soy sauce) over brown rice (which I will make later tonight, and often include with the rest of my Sunday meal prep.)

The longest I'll spend making any of it is the stir fry which takes max 15 minutes including chopping time. Overall this is a system that works well for me, and I think is worth trying out if you are trying to eat healthier but are also short on time during the week. It can be adapted with any recipes you like, as long as they keep decently well for 4-5 days.

Squats and Mindfulness

I had a quick but good session at the Y early this morning (worked up to 192#x3 on the squat and blasted through a super set of sumo deads and walking lunges) so that I could make it to a day-long meditation workshop at the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center with a dear friend. I originally started meditating on my own during my last pre-competition period when I was incredibly stressed out about my diet and training and school and sought out meditation as a sanity-saving device. I think it helped then and since I picked it back up this summer I have learned a ton more about meditation practices and techniques and seen the effect of daily meditation in my own sense of calm and ease about life.

Today's workshop was really wonderful, and I'm glad I spent my day there. I am also glad that I am now laying on my couch with plans to do nothing for the rest of the evening. I don't have anything insightful to say, so I thought I'd share this lovely piece I came across the other day on what bodies really, actually look like.

Hill Sprints FTW

A weird and also wonderful thing happened today. As I was pushing through my 4th or 5th hill sprint this evening after finishing my bench-day workout at the gym I realized I was enjoying myself. Yes, the hill sprints were still brutally hard, and definitely took everything I had left over after lifting, but I realized that at that moment there was really nothing else I would rather have been doing than killing it at running up and down the same block on Walnut St 8 times in a row. Because it was hard and fun and satisfying and invigorating all at the same time.

(Did I mention I also drank a small cup of black coffee pre-workout?)

This realization that I was actually truly enjoying my hill sprints got me thinking that I probably need to revise my OKCupid profile. Currently it portrays me as a well-balanced 31 year old woman with diverse interests including cooking, baking, movies, eating out with friends, going to the beach, drinking at social events, reading the New Yorker, listening to NPR, etc, etc. All of these things are true, but they don't really capture the fact that outside of work I spend almost 100% of my "leisure time" during the week and a good part of it during the weekends forcing myself through fantastically brutal workouts because I enjoy it. Perhaps I'd have more luck on the site if I just own up to this fact more blatantly, rather than including gym time/powerlifting as one of "many" hobbies I enjoy. I'd like to think of myself as well-rounded, but let's be real, I'd much rather find someone who wants to run up the same hill with me eight time in a row than someone to whom I have to explain how I don't really drink any more or eat out that much and why I'm totally okay with that.

I digress.

Anyways, bench day was pretty good. I worked up to 120#x2,2 and 125#x1, though my butt came off the bench on the 125# and on the second reps at 120#. I need to work on that over the next few weeks as it doesn't matter how much I can press at the comp if I can't keep my butt glued to the bench while I do it.

Red Bull really does give you wings

Today was a long day, I was up at 5:15am, at the hospital from 7:00am-4:45pm and by the time I got to the gym for deadlift day, I was dragging a little. Well, more than a little. The idea of picking up the bar, let alone with a couple plates on either side, seemed absurdly daunting. So I decided to throw caution (and the advice of my nutrition coach who has had me off pre-workout supplements since June) to the wind, bought a sugar-free Red Bull at the gym and chugged it along with my pre-workout protein shake.  

After getting over the experience of drinking Red Bull without vodka being part of the picture (the stuff is seriously gross and it's been a few years since I've been down the Red-Bull-vodka road to no-memories-of-what-happens-there), I got to work warming up and starting my training for the day. 

I. Felt. Amazing. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

I don't know if it was just the caffeine or all the other random crap in Red Bull (niacin, taurine, etc, etc), but I felt better than I have in weeks, AND I deadlifted 241# for 5 reps, which is definitely a PR since I cleaned up my form. All in all, a serious success.

Coming home from the gym I started to worry that drinking caffeine this late in the day would mess with my ability to sleep tonight, but based on the fact that it's 8:55pm and I can barely keep my eyes open, I think it will be ok. 

I am considering adding caffeine back in to my pre-workout routine, in the form of black coffee though, not Red Bull. I think it may help carry me through the next few weeks of pre-comp training and honestly, it just felt really good today and I want that feeling back . . . caffeine is an awesome, awesome drug.

Pushing Through

When I got to the Y today I was so tired I wanted to take a nap on my foam roller rather than warm-up with it. I didn't sleep great last night, and was up before 6 to get to the hospital by 7:30am. I was starting to worry that maybe training after work isn't going to work out, or maybe I need to add pre-workout supplements back into my routine or at least black coffee pre-workout, or maybe my diet is taking too much of a toll and I'm not going to be able to sustain training over the next four weeks before the competition. In other words, the worry-wheels were spinning, which is always a pointless and not-helpful activity.

It is generally my rule that no matter how I feel I must get my main lift work in, and if, after that, I genuinely, really, truly feel like taking the rest of the day off would be better for me than finishing my planned work, then I do that. I think I have stopped after my main lift exactly twice in almost two years, it's a pretty good system, and it worked out peachy today. By the time I got to my 5th and 6th sets of the split jerk I was feeling absurdly hyped up and ready to attack the weights like crazy. I ended up getting 109#x3 for my heaviest split jerk set, and either added weight on to all my accessory lifts or at least improved my tempo from last week. All in all it was a killer workout, and all the better I think for having started so crappy.

And now? Now I'm back to being beat-down tired, but in a happy, post-workout-carb-snacking sort of way. Happy Monday, y'all. It's good to be alive.

Outside Hill Intervals for HIIT

To avoid the problem of being too exhausted post-lifting and skipping my prescribed HIIT (high intensity internal training) that Jen recommended I add to my training to help me shed pounds for the competition I decided this week to do one of my 2 weekly HIIT sessions on Sunday. Another advantage of this is that I can run outside on an actual hill rather than a treadmill, which is more interesting, more challenging, safer (I am always convinced I am going to fall off the treadmill when sprinting) and I think all around just more effective. Today's 8 intervals of 20 seconds of sprinting up a hill in Somerville went something like this:

2 warm-up intervals, approximately 30 seconds each: Ah, these feel good, what a beautiful day, this hill is perfect.

Interval #1: LOOK HOW FAST I CAN RUN! WHEEEEEE!!!
Recovery #1: Jen said take enough time to fully recover, 1-3 minutes, this easy 1 minute stroll back down the hill seems perfect.

Interval #2: Whoo hoo! I can do this! Feeling good!
Recovery #2: Nice and easy, stroll down the hill, no rush.

Interval #3: Whew! This is intense. Not a problem though, nooooo big deal, I got this.
Recovery #3: Slooooow it down, let's take a little time to stretch at the bottom here, grab some water, important to be fully recovered!

Interval #4: Ouch. Lungs. Burning. Ouch.
Recovery #4: Half way there. I'm half way there. Half. Way. There.

Interval #5: I think I just strained my triceps. Running. Is that even possible? I don't know. It happened.
Recovery #5: 2 minutes is not enough recovery time.

Interval #6: I'm fairly certain I have asthma.
Recovery #6: 3 minutes is not enough recovery time.

Interval #7: Somebody get me an inhaler STAT.
Recovery #7: I have straight up entered a worm hole or time warp or something. 3 minutes has never gone by so quickly or with so much burning burning burning in my lungs.

Interval #8: Oh. My. God.
Recovery #8: Pretty sure I'm still recovering as I type this.

So yeah, on the plus side, the whole thing only took about 20-25 minutes, and it was a hell of a workout, and the burning was all in my lungs, not my muscles, which is ideal. Also, I didn't strain my glute yesterday as it felt fine today, so it must have just been cramping on me.

And now it's time for a nap.

This morning was squat day at the gym. The squat used to be my favorite of the big three lifts (bench, dead, squat) but since I struggled with depth at my last competition, getting no-repped on my first two attempts, the lift has definitely become a struggle for me. I have dropped my 1 rep max weight several times to accommodate practicing hitting depth consistently, and I think I finally dropped it low enough, as my current working 1rep max for the purposes of my 5-3-1 program is 215#. Over a year ago I was consistently squatting 235# or more, but I was also consistently at least several inches above parallel, and if you don't make depth, it doesn't really matter how much weight is on the bar.

I took video of myself for the first time since July (I intentionally stopped videoing my lifts because I think it was serving as more of a distraction than a help, as I knew what my weaknesses were - depth for the squat and keeping my back from rounding with the deadlift.) I was pretty pleased with the results, as I worked up to 182#x6 this morning and of those 6 at least 4 were definitely to competition depth.

At or below comp depth (my hip crease is lower than the top of my knee.)

I also worked on speed sumo deads and pistol squats, and somewhere in there either strained my right glute or just have some really bad muscle cramps. Not sure which but planning to take it easy for the rest of the day and stretch it out tonight and see how it feels in the morning. I'm supposed to do hill sprints tomorrow afternoon and definitely don't want to try those with a strained glute.

Catch up

I did train yesterday but my internet has been wonky, and by the time I got back from the gym and ate dinner it was 8:30, which left me exactly one hour to pack up my stuff for the next day and try to relax for a minute and then get to bed, so blogging did not happen. Yesterday was bench day and I was supposed to work up to 120#x5, but ended up at 115#x4,2 and 120#x1. I could have eked out a couple more singles at 120#, but my low back is still acting weird when I bench so I didn't want to push it. I got through the rest of my accessory work, but when I tried to get on the treadmill and start my HIIT intervals, my body was having none of it. The last time around I was sprinting at incline 8 and at 8.5mph and this time could barely get up to 6mph. I decided to cut it and head home as I realize I am asking my body to do a lot right now in terms of adjusting to work at the hospital, cutting back on food intake, adding in fasted walking and HIIT and still training at the same level of intensity that I was all summer when I had an easy schedule, was well fed and not doing any extra cardio.

I was back at the gym today even though it's an "off" day for my first time in the sauna since March. I sat for 25 minutes and only the last 5 or so were a little tough, which is good. I am hoping that I don't have to sweat out water weight to make weight for this upcoming competition (I'm down a couple more pounds this week so as of today only 7.8# over my weight class!), but if I do, it is helpful to have put in some sauna "practice" time in advance so that my body is used to the process and mentally I am okay with it. I don't wear the sauna suit or do the jogging-in-place/alternating with cardio outside the sauna routine that Chris and I did when I was actually cutting weight.  Just sitting there for 25 minutes is enough practice for now.

Dragging through deadlifts

Training today was essentially the exact opposite of my glorious, energy-filled, bursting with enthusiasm workout this past Saturday. I was dragging when I got to the gym and I was dragging when I left. I did get in all my required work though, and I think it's days like today that are the most important to push through in terms of developing mental toughness and strengthening my commitment to my training and my body. It probably helped that it was deadlift day, and shirking on deadlift day is basically against my religion.

Also, the more I learn about willpower and the neuroscience behind it, the more important it seems to engrain and practice habits that I value, as our brains get better at doing the things we do most often. I'm currently read The Willpower Instinct and have also read and enjoyed Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. Both books back up the idea that pushing through and committing to finishing something like a tough workout trains your brain to push through other hard tasks in life as well. I figure if I can get even close to as much carryover effect from this as I have from meditation improving my focus, calm, and outlook in life, I will be doing really well.

Potential reasons I was dragging ass today:
1) It's literally 90+ degrees outside. I do not like the heat. The Y is not air conditioned. (Well, the cardio room is, but the weight room not so much.)
2) I'm dieting and it's working, the pounds are coming off (yay!) but this also means my body is at least somewhat in a catabolic state, which can definitely affect strength.
3) It was a non-stop day at the hospital today, and I am not yet used to those.
4) My iPod was dead, so no music to help key me up and keep me going (this was rough.)

In other totally unrelated news, I have found my new most-favorite refreshing beverage combination: 50% lemonade Vitamin Water and 50% cranberry lime Poland seltzer. It's delicious, for real.

_________________

Training today:
Warmup: kettlebells - swings and goblet squats with 20kg bell
Deadlift: 6 sets working up to 231#x6 (the same number of reps I hit at this weight when I was well-rested and on vacation, so I am considering it a win.)
Anderson front squats

It may not seem like a lot, but it took everything I had.

Let Yourself Be Seen

Just a quote today. This is from Brene Brown's life-changing (for me) book, Daring Greatly. I highly encourage you to check it out.

"Daring greatly is not about winning or losing. It's about courage. In a world where scarcity and shame dominate and feeling afraid has become second nature, vulnerability is subversive. Uncomfortable. It's even a little dangerous at times. And, without question, putting ourselves out there means there's a far greater risk of feeling hurt. But . . . nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous and hurtful as believing I'm standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen."

Manic Monday

Today was the first time I left the hospital at the end of the work day NOT feeling completely 100% wiped out. I promptly remedied that at the gym.

It was overhead press day, which I am still doing as a split jerk, and today I hit 99# for 8 reps in a row, which felt good and took pretty much everything I had (and is a 2-rep improvement over my last x5 week at this weight.) I dragged for most of the rest of my time at the gym, but I got in all my work, including HIIT training on the treadmill for 15 minutes (20+ seconds of all out, uphill sprinting - at incline 8 and 8.5-9mph - with 1 minute or more recovery in between sprints.) The addition of the HIIT training is at the recommendation of my nutrition coach to help me shed some pounds before the comp. It definitely takes everything I have left, so I am guessing it's going to be pretty effective.

Training today:
Warmup: Is, Ts, Ys
Split Jerk: 6 sets working up to 99#x8, super-setted with inverted single leg rows
Accessory: speed bench and one-arm lunge rows; dumbbell floor press and rear lateral flys
HIIT intervals on the treadmill

T-minus 5 weeks to my powerlifting meet.

If it were possible for me to bottle and sell the feeling I had for the majority of my workout this morning I would be a freaking millionaire. It was the elusive gym high that I used to get pretty consistently when I first started training but now only happens once a month or so if I'm lucky. I assume that's because I am essentially addicted to the rush of positive hormones that weight training/working out pumps into my body so rather than feeling it as a high at this point I usually just feel it as normal (and get super, super cranky if I don't get my fix at least every 48 hours.)

Potential reasons I felt so spectacular this morning:
1. I was in bed for 12 hours last night, and fast asleep for over 11 of them. I went to bed at 7:45pm. It was wonderful and so very, very necessary. The transition to clinic is usually exhausting, and this time is no different - there's something about being "on" so intensely mentally and physically for 8+ hours a day that always takes me a couple weeks to get used to.
2. I added 5g glutamine to my intra-workout cocktail (which already has about 8g creatine and 10g BCAAs)
3. It's the end of my deload week and happily my body is responding appropriately, acting refreshed and ready to train hard again.
4. Random luck.
5. I'm no longer struggling with my decision about cutting weight for the comp. I have decided to go for it, and do everything I can within reason to get to the 198 class. I weighed in at 208.4# this morning, and last time around I cut 10# with water manipulation alone, so I am feeling very positive about it being an all-around easier experience this time around. My nutrition coach has tweaked my plan and suggested I add in some morning fasted walking a couple times a week and we'll be adjusting as necessary for the next 5 weeks. I am excited and energized by having such clear focus for myself for the next month or so. Between giving my all in my clinic and putting the rest into competition prep (both training hard and dieting well), I know the next 5 weeks will be challenging but also super rewarding. I am happiest when I have distinct and specific goals and timelines to work with. It's game time, motherfuckers. Let's go.

_________________________

Training today:
Squat (deload): 6 sets working up to 143#x5. Supersetted with core work.
Accessory: Speed sumo deads and pistol squats.
Finisher: Kettlebell complex.

Deloaded bench day

I found out today that my CI's usual schedule is 7:30-4 not 8-4:30, this actually makes me totally happy, because I've found I'm much more productive in the morning and if I can get to work and get started earlier and then also get out earlier, that works for me! I figure this means my hours will be more like 7:30-5:30 at the worst (likely in the beginning when documentation takes me forever) and so I'll be getting to the gym by 6 at the latest. Good stuff all around.

At the Y today I had to ask two different guys if I could "work in" with them on a machine, meaning "could you please not sit on the machine and text for 5 minutes in-between your 30 second long sets." They both were very agreeable about it, but also seemed surprised to be asked. One of them also re-set the weight to what I was working with after he was done each time - is this something that guys do for each other or was this a "being nice to me because I'm a girl" thing? I'm actually fine with either, just curious . . .

Training today:
Warmup: landmine presses and band pull-aparts
Bench: 8 sets working up to 95#x 5, 5, 11
Accessory: band pull-ups and skullcrushers
Finisher: Burpees. Ooof.

First day

Today was my first day of work at Brigham and Women's Hospital, where I will be for 6 months before rotating to outpatient, and so also my first time training post-8.5-hours-of-work since my last clinic ended in May (and that was a pretty relaxed site where my workday was usually closer to 7 than 8 hours. The day at the Brigham is likely to be closer to 10 than 8 once things get going . . .) Biking from the hospital to the Y today I was extra glad that this was a deload week, as the process of starting a new job is always sort of overwhelming, and as a PT intern I spend most of my first few days following my clinical instructor around but not actually DOING much, which I find way more tiring than actually working.

Regardless, it was a good first day at my new clinic site (I love my CI and I like the busy and intense feeling of the Brigham), and once I got started it was also a good first-training-day-post-work. I wrapped up in just over an hour and felt good and tired. I think I'll have no problem getting to bed at 9:30, which is my new goal and I don't care if it makes me feel old, I want lights out by 10pm so I can get 8 hours of sleep. And the NY Times totally agrees with me and my nutrition coach that those 8 hours are essential to my goals. So there.

Training today:
Kettlebell warmup
6 sets of conventional deadlift working up to 177#x5.
Accessory: Anderson front squats.
Finisher: Single-leg bridges and jump rope.

Scale struggles (apologies for all the swearing, sometimes I get frustrated.)

I am struggling.  I would say I have been struggling because my diet is not working, and over the past month my weight has been fluctuating between 206-210#, without too much reason why (there were a couple drinks where there shouldn't have been, and a couple off-plan meals that were larger than they ought to have been, but overall I've been eating well and on-plan for the last 8-9 weeks.) But really I am struggling with exactly why I am dieting in the first place (ostensibly in order to make weight for my October competition - I am registered to compete in the 198# class.) And then there's the fact that I'm not actually "dieting" per se, I am actually following a totally sound, normal nutrition plan that just seems like a diet to most people (including myself sometimes) because it limits sugar and alcohol and doesn't include gluten/dairy/soy. But it's not really a diet, it's actually a way to eat to train/live well and feel GOOD . . .  Ideally it was/is also supposed to help me shed some weight before the competition, but that has not really been happening.

So now I am at a self-created crossroads and I am struggling. Part of me wants to put myself back on a DIET (much lower calories, no carbs except around training) to make weight for the competition in 5+ weeks, because I think the 198 class makes sense for me based on my height and body type. And because I find it hard to swallow that at my last competition I competed in the 181 class and if I don't diet down I will compete in the 220 class at this competition. Just saying that makes me cringe. Which makes me realize that all of this dieting down to get into weight classes is only superficially about competition and actually about the fucking scale. Of course. It hurts my pride/vanity/scale-obsessed psyche to imagine competing in a class with the 220# label because in my head this means that I am fat. I have managed to convince myself that the 198# class means that I am not-fat. I previously felt the same about the 181/198 class distinction (that 181# meant not-fat and that 198# meant fat.) This is all obviously beyond fucked up and pointless.

My nutrition coach does not want me to try to DIET, because as she points out there is no competitive advantage (I'm competing against myself really and my own past performance, even when there are other women in my class, as my numbers are nowhere even close to competitive-powerlifting numbers), and it's possibly harmful for my long-term goals to try to diet hard again, especially considering what happened after the last go-round (crazy binging and subsequent spiraling exponential weight gain halted only by the acquiring of this nutrition coach.)

On the other hand, the last time around I dieted for well over two months and without any guidance or real structure and indulged in some crazy-pants behavior both during and after dieting, and this time around it will be 4 weeks with a coach to keep me on track/from going too crazy.

The act of writing this blog post has made me realize that for the moment I should just keep doing what I have been doing - eating clean and training hard. In an ideal world I would be able to just weigh in at the competition at whatever weight I'm at and compete in whatever class that puts me in and be happy with that. If it's really about the powerlifting and the competition and doing my athletic best, the number on the scale really should not fucking matter. . .  Unfortunately, my neurotic self does not live in an ideal world, and having this realization does not change how I feel. I still don't know what I am going to do. Like I said, I'm struggling.

I cannot think of a title for this post. Which may indicate that it is pretty boring.

Waking up this morning the very last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym. I was TIRED. This is how I often feel at the beginning of a deload week and after checking my schedule and confirming that yes, I really did absolutely have to train today in order to get in all my sessions this week without doing three days in a row, I went ahead and got myself to the gym.

I am glad I realized I needed to deload this week rather than next, and actually enjoyed my workout once I had started it (also how I usually feel on deload week.) Because all the weights are lighter I don't really need to rest between sets so I can finish faster and work up more of a sweat than I usually do when I need more rest to recover from heavier weights.

I had planned to row 1250m to finish my training this morning but the only rower at the Charlestown Y was occupied, and this made me 0% sad because I pretty much detest rowing. I decided instead to do kettlebell swings and was happy to note that while my glutes were still sore from deadlifting on Saturday, my back was not, which means that I'm stressing the right muscles and my deadlift form really is as on-point as I have been thinking.

Training today:
Split-jerk: 6 sets working up to 85#x5. Supersetted with inverted rows and pull-ups on the machine (occasionally fun to do even if the translation to real pull-ups is pretty poor.)
Accessory work: 8 sets of speed bench and single-arm rows; 4 sets of dumbbell shoulder presses and rear lateral flys.
Finisher: 40# kettlebell swings, EMOMx20reps