Bloh Update

I'm putting this up in bullet-form because there are a couple different things I want to post about, and I am lacking the brain-space to string them together nicely in a coherent way, so here goes:

• I have even less time than I anticipated having with Boards studying and life stuff (all good stuff!) and so this blog is getting put on hiatus until after January 29th. I have loved having this space to go to and I hope to return to it but for now I just don't have the time to keep up with it so I'm putting it on hold officially.
• My ribs are getting better! For the last week or so I have been able to squat and deadlift heavy and relatively pain-free. I still can't bench but am hoping to be able to start with some light benching next week, we'll see how it goes. 
• I was able to squat and deadlift at the clinic the weekend before last and I got really great feedback on my form from Brandon Lilly (he literally walked up to me and asked my name and complimented my squat form at the very beginning of the clinic. It was a pretty awesome moment.) Overall the clinic was a little disappointing in that it was targeted towards less experienced lifters, but it was definitely a confidence-booster for me and I do think I walked away with some good tips that I can apply going forward, mainly that I need to approach my squat more aggressively and with more speed going down into the hole. It was also a totally fun day catching up with Chris so I have zero complaints over all.
• I am coming up on the end of my nutrition coaching with Jen (we're at the end of a 12 week cycle in a couple weeks and I am not planning on renewing again.) I feel like I have learned a lot from her and have some great plans to use going forward for competition-dieting as well as every day eating, but right now I don't have the drive to adhere to a strict nutrition plan. I have been indulging in holiday treats and drinks/dinner out and I have been enjoying it. I hope that I am approaching a place of more balance in my life, where I can still eat well and healthily and support my lifting but also enjoy some treats and live/eat less rigidly day-to-day. In the end, I did not achieve my goal of becoming a "ripped hottie", but I did gain a bit more self-acceptance and understanding, and I'm still okay with what I see in the mirror most days, so all in all I think working with her was a good and worthwhile investment. 
• I am pretty sure there are things I meant to post about but am forgetting, but I need to get cracking on Boards studying, so that's what I am going to do! Right now! (Errrr, after I eat dinner.)

Over and out, blog! See you in February 2014! 

Bump in the Road

After a pretty successful squat session on Saturday morning, Chris (up from Providence to train at TPS - whoo hoo!) and I went to the shed at TPS to try out some strongman lifts. I learned that although I can deadlift 295#, I am unable to pick up a 100# atlas stone, and that even though I am able to pick up a 100# oversize strongman dumbbell, for my own future health I probably shouldn't. On one of my last attempts, I managed to get the dumbbell over my left shoulder (having only been able to get it up on the right side previously) and in the process knocked one of my ribs out of place. This has happened to me before so I knew the feeling (it's a sudden, achy 'pop' in your chest - feels awesome. Not.)

In the process of relocating it back into place, with some help from Chris, I managed to basically make the injury worse, so now even though my rib is back in place, I have a lot of stretched/strained/hopefully not torn intercostal muscles and ligaments. In short, my upper left chest fucking hurts. A lot.

The worst part is this means I really can't train until it starts healing, which should happen fairly quickly, but it's sort of a day-to-day thing. At the moment I am living on ibuprofen and I think I probably have to stay out of the gym until I can be pain-killer free.

I am in week 5 of the Cube program, and there's no planned deloads in the programming, so while it's not the worst thing in the world to take a week off (please god, let it not be more than a week), I am still pretty bummed and of course convinced that I am going to get weak and fat immediately. My game plan is to try to use this week to do some more active recovery than I usually do (long walks, etc) and also catch up on Boards studying. I don't want it to be a total loss, and with a little bit of diligence on my part, it doesn't need to be, but I am still feeling a bit blue about the whole thing. Being out of the gym makes me a little crazy, and I hate that feeling.

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Training Saturday (Rep Squat day on the Cube Program):
Warmup: foam rolling and meathead mobility
Squat Warmup: 45#x10, 10; 95#x5, 3; 115#x3; 145#x3
Comp Squat: 165#x8, 8; 170#x8
Front Squat: 95#x2; 115#x3, 3
Pause Squat: 125#x8, 8; 130#x8

Sumo Deadlifts: 135#x8; 185#x5, 5, 5; 195#x5
Box Jumps: 18' box (5x3)

Strongman Lifts

100th Post and a Reality Check

This is my 100th blog post! I am pretty excited about that, as when I started this I wasn't sure if it was something I would be interested/able to keep up with, or that I would find helpful at all in my training. I'm happy to say that I have really enjoyed having this space to come to to record successes and failures and struggles and generally vent about all the stuff that tumbles around in my head but I don't often have a venue to voice. So thank for reading all my ramblings, I hope to keep it up for another 100 posts!

That said, the first 10 or so of those 100 posts will be coming a bit slower than usual. In about 10 weeks I will be taking my PT Boards, the final hurdle to becoming an actual, real, licensed, able-to-practice-independently physical therapist. Preparing for Boards involves a shit-ton of studying, and between work and training I am running seriously short on time. My goal for the next 10 weeks is to post here once a week or so, but if it's quieter than usual the reason is that I am buried under a mountain of review material and probably completely freaking out about (re-)learning it all in time for the 5-hour, 250-question test marathon I'll be undertaking on January 29th.

I know that during the next 10 weeks, training will continue to be a welcome break from regular life and a much-needed source of stress relief. Today was an excellent example of that as I have been feeling a bit antsy and unsettled in my life for the past few days or so, and have been less than 100% adherent to my nutrition plan and just generally feeling off. Getting into the gym and deadlifting was, as always, a grounding experience. I've been ending each session recently with 5 minutes of yoga stretching, and really enjoying these 5 minutes as I generally just feel a tremendous sense of gratitude that I am able to train so intensely and that my body is willing to put up with it. I feel very fortunate, and I think that gratitude was helpful to me today to get me out of my funk.

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Training today:

Warmup: foam rolling and meathead mobility

Deadlift Warm-up: 135#x5, 5; 165#x5; 187#x5

Conventional Deadlift (explosive training): 199#x2repsx6sets

Deficit Deadlift: 182#x6repsx3 sets

Kettlebell Swings: 24kgx25,25,20,15,15 (I made the jump from the 20kg bell to the 24kg bell this week and am definitely feeling it)

1A) Walking Lunges 30#DB/eachx4setsx10reps

1B) Goodmornings 110#x4setsx10reps

2A) Wide-Grip Seated Rows 120#x8,8; 130#x8,8

2B) Farmer Carries 60#DB/eachx30secondsx3

Cooldown: 5 minutes yoga

Squat Success, Picture Updates and Face-First Into Bad Habits

So I ended up squatting on Friday evening this week instead of Saturday morning since I was at a conference at work from 7am-4pm on Saturday (yes, you can totally feel bad for me for having to go into work at 7am on Saturday, I gladly accept your pity.) I enjoy Friday evenings at TPS because the gym is packed and it makes me happy to be there instead of at happy hour where I religiously spent Friday evenings for years and/or sitting at home on my couch being exhausted, which is how I generally spend Friday evenings these days if not at the gym. I seem to have lost some of my squat mojo from last week when I was feeling very solid with my form and the weights were feeling light, as the weights actually were light this week (it was "explosive" squat day, when I'm supposed to focus on moving the bar quickly) but it felt like I was moving through mud. That said, I still considered adding on an extra set of safety bar squats because I felt like maybe I wasn't getting enough work in, however the 6x3 set of pause squats that finished up my main lift work for the day pretty much crushed me, so I'm glad I didn't get ahead of myself by loading up the safety bar squats. In other words, "STICK TO THE PROGRAM, RACHEL." In other not-breaking news, the glute ham raise is essentially hamstring hell and sort of makes me want to die every time I use it, but I just assume that means it is really, really, really working.

Squat Day on Friday:
Warmup: foam rolling and meathead mobility
Warm-up Squats (regular bar): 45#x5, 5, 5 (with a lot of time spent in the hole stretching my hips out); 95#x5; 115#x3; 135#x3
Competition Squats: 145#x2repsx6sets
Safety Bar Squats: 105#x5,5
Pause Squat: 135#x3repsx6 sets (I realized a couple weeks ago that I should be using a lower 1RM weight for my pause squats, as it doesn't REALLY make sense for me to be doing almost as heavy a weight and more reps for my pause squat as my comp squat, but I also think it's helpful for me to be working heavy pause squats so I'm keeping the weight as-is for now, even if it means I have to split sets - the program is written for 6repsx2-3sets, but I can only get 3 reps out at a time at this weight.)

Glute Ham Raise 5x12
Snatch Grip Deads off blocks 165#x8, 8, 8, 8
Shrugs giant contraptionx10, 12, 15 (because sometimes you just gotta work on your traps)
Semi-inverted rowsx7, 7, 7, 6

Cool down: Yoga Stretch (5 minutes)

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This morning was Body Day, and I mixed up my exercises a little bit, substituting in the split-stance tricep extension and 3-point dumbbell row, both suggestions from a nice little article from Eric Cressey's newsletter this week. I have been wanting to make some slight adjustments to my exercises for Body Day as I tend to get bored with the same accessory work week after week, and these tweaks were perfect for making it feel fresh. Also, the split-stance tricep extension is definitely friendlier to my irritable triceps tendons which are always a little cranky with direct triceps work. As part of my goal of assessing how I'm feeling about my body without measuring my progress on the scale I snapped a couple pictures as all in all I have been feeling pretty rockin' about how I'm looking both in and out of the gym. I like my booty (yay deadlifts) and am continuing to work on accepting my belly for what it is rather than hating on it pointlessly. 

Yay for purple tights! 

Working on loving every bit of me, even my valgus knees. 

 I also took a picture of my traps, because I like them and because I remember when I first started training with Chris asking a couple friends to tell me "if I ever started losing my neck" by getting too bulky, whereas now I pretty much just want bigger traps and bigger lats, bulky neck and back be damned :) Ah how things change.

Yes, I am totally flexing my traps in this picture, and yes, I wish they were larger.

Unfortunately after a pretty good workout and feeling pretty good about these pictures, I promptly fell face-first into a pile of cookies after getting home. This is classic behavior for me, and something I am pretty embarrassed to admit to, that essentially any time I am feeling really good and on track and like I am close to my goals I generally immediately try to eat myself several steps backwards. It is a dumb and reflexive bad habit that I have yet to figure out how to break. That said, I am determined to salvage the rest of today and not spend it mindlessly eating crap with the lame justification that I already messed up so why not keep going (this is also a classic habit of mine.) I have a lot of studying and work to get done today and I need to focus on that, which I'm hoping will keep me out of the kitchen and the cookies. 

Body Day Training Today:
Warm-up: Foam rolling, elevated pushups, band pull-aparts and band pull-downs
1A) Single-arm DB Bench Press (4x10)
1B) Lat Pulldown (4x10)
2A) 3-Point DB Row (4x10)
2B) Split-Stance Tricep Extension (4x12)

Prowler Pushing: Sled+90#x200', Sled+180#x7x100' (9:36 total) = got in an extra 100' of pushing today, still under 10 minutes - whoo hoo!
Kettlebell Swings 16kgx40, 30, 30
Plank: 1:20 

Cooldown: Yoga stretching (4:20)

Bench Day, not much to say

Rep Bench Day:
Warm-up: foam rolling, band pull-aparts, band pulldowns and elevated pushups
Bench Warm-up: 45#x12, 12; 65x5; 85#x3
Competition-style Bench: 95#x8; 100#x7,6
Close-Grip Bench: 100#x2,2
Pause-Bench (pause 1" above chest): 90#x8, 7, 6

Tricep Pushdown: 60# (4x12)
Wide-grip Seated Rows: 120# (4x8)

DB Shoulder Press: 25# (4x8)

Ouch

It was heavy deadlift day and though going in I felt like the weight/rep scheme seemed a little easy, it definitely felt heavy by the end. Heavy enough apparently to distract me to the point that I dropped a 20kg plate directly on my foot while unloading the bar. OUCH. It effing hurt. I guess I'm lucky though that it wasn't an iron plate as I feel like that would have been more likely to do serious damage. As it is I think I escaped with a little bruising and swelling but nothing broken. I did skip my farmer's walks though since I figured loading up my foot with an extra 120# and carrying it around probably wouldn't help me much.

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Training today:
Warmup: Foam rolling and Meathead Mobility
Warm-up Deads: 133#x5,5; 165#x5; 199#x3; 221#x3
Competition Deadlift: 241#x2repsx3sets
2" Deficit Deadlift: 226#x5, 4 (I don't know at what point or why I thought pulling 226# from a deficit wasn't heavy enough - sometimes I amaze myself.)
Kettlebell Swings: 20kgx25, 25, 20, 15, 15, 10

Walking Lunge 25#DBsx10repsx4sets
Goodmornings 105#x10repsx4sets

Wide-grip Seated Pulley Rows (in place of stupid band pullups): 70#x10, 90#x9, 100#x8, 110#x10 (need to up the weight next time around)

Yesterday was "body day" at TPS. It was a beautiful sunny morning, and yet again I felt incredibly lucky to be training there, with like-minded people, and surrounded by rather spectacular views of Boston.

The view from my gym. 

I do a fair amount of conditioning on body day, and always some Prowler pushing. Sled pushing or dragging or tire flipping or any of that sort of stuff is great because it's fairly self-limiting. On days when I have less energy (like last week when it took me 9:43 to do my Prowler work) and my body is more tired and stressed out from the week's training, I just don't push as fast or finish as quickly, but when I'm feeling good and fresh and ready to kick ass (like this week when I did the same amount of work in 9:03), I can get more work done without having to change anything about my programming. Plus it's just really, really satisfying.

I set the goals listed below a few weeks ago and have been meaning to share them on the blog. I think they're all realistic, minus the bodyweight chin-up, which these days I am kind of believing is the impossible dream, but the other three I think I can absolutely do. I am actually taking a break from the scale for the next few weeks because I have been feeling really good about how I look, and regardless of how I'm weighing in, I won't be changing my nutrition plan for at least 2-3 weeks as my body is still settling down from the small amount of dieting I did pre-comp. So my plan is basically to stick to my nutrition plan, enjoy feeling good in my body, and then really re-assess how I feel before I step on the scale again. I think it's possible I may actually like myself just fine at or just above 200#. I still would like to maintain more in the 190s to make weigh-ins easier, but the mental practice of assessing how I actually feel without letting the scale dictate how I should feel is a good one, I think.

Goals (Set October 25, 2013)
1. Bodyweight 194-198# by December 31.
2. Maintain 194-198# all of 2014.
3. Compete in March RPS meet in 198# class with 215# squat, 135# bench, 315# dead (665# total).
4. Bodyweight chin-up by 32nd birthday (April 2014).

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Training yesterday:

1A) Single-arm Floor Press (4x10)
1B) Lat Pulldown (4x10)
2A) Single-arm DB Row (4x10)
2B) Standing Tricep Extension (4x10)

Prowler Pushing: Sled+90#x200', Sled+180#x6x100' (9:43 total)
Kettlebell Swings 16kgx25, 25, 25, 25
Plank: 1 minute

Playing catch-up but feeling good

Holy blog neglection, Batman! This week has been a whirlwind. I think because I have been stressing about my upcoming inservice presentation at work (which I just spent the last 6 hours putting together, whoo hoo wild Saturday nights!)

I'm happy to report that I feel like I am finally adjusting to the Cube workouts with their longer sets and higher reps, though I am about to start a new "wave", which means all my weights go up for my main lift, so I should be back to feeling completely crushed by each session this coming week. Ah well.

I squatted this morning at TPS and felt really good, even though I hadn't gotten a ton of sleep the night before. I don't want to jinx it, but I feel like using the safety bar is really helping me get my hips down and back, and I may have finally found the right spot on my shoulders to rest the bar combined with the right breathing/trunk stiffness to not have a relatively light weight feel like it's crushing me (which is how pretty much all my squats have felt for the past 6 months or so.) And relatively very little knee pain so yeah, all good stuff, I think. I am also psyched because I am planning on going to this Juggernaut clinic in December and I think it will be awesome. I just need to bite the bullet and sign up and not care if I'm the only woman there or if I can't stop checking out Brandon Lilly long enough to actually listen to his coaching cues.

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Explosive Bench Day (Wednesday):
Warm-up: foam rolling, band pull-aparts, band pulldowns and elevated pushups
Bench Warm-up: 45#x10, 65x5
Competition-style Bench: 80#x3,3; 85#x3,3; 90#x3,3,3,3 (I ended up adding weight to the bar because I could still move 90# explosively for three reps, and Lilly says if it feels light - add weight!)
Close-Grip Bench: 85#x5repsx2sets
Pause-Bench (pause 1" above chest): 70#x8repsx2sets

Tricep Pushdown: 60# (4x12)
Eccentric Chin-ups: 2, 2, 1
DB Shoulder Press: 25#x8, 8; Incline Press: 25#x8, 8 (trying to change the stress on my shoulders, my left one was not feeling so hot with the shoulder presses)
Bicep Curls 15#x10, 20#x10, 10, 10 (because why not?)

**I decided after this workout to stop doing pull-up variations for a while. I find them sickeningly frustrating because I don't seem to make any progress and it just makes me feel incredibly weak and mad at myself, so I'm going to be working on increase my lat and overall back strength in other ways and try to attack the pull-up goal in the future.
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Heavy Squat Day (today):
Warmup: foam rolling and meathead mobility
Warm-up Squats (regular bar): 45#x5, 5, 5 (with a lot of time spent in the hole stretching my hips out); 95#x5; 115#x3; 135#x3
Competition Squats: 165#x2, 2, 2, 2, 2
Safety Bar Squats: 115#x3, 3
Pause Squat: 135#x3, 3, 3, 3

Glute Ham Raise x 10, 10, 6, 10, 10
Snatch Grip Deads 135#x8; 145#x8. 8. 8
Farmer Carries (giant contraption+50# added weight) x 200' x 4
Semi-inverted rowsx8,7,7,6,5

Deadlift PR, of a sort

Recently a friend of mine bet me I couldn't deadlift 135#x20 reps. I was pretty sure I could, and since today was rep deadlift day on the Cube program, I decided to find out. I'm happy to report that I can actually deadlift 135#x21, and all with spot-on form, which makes me think I could probably have gotten quite a few more, but since it was a "warm-up" set and I didn't want to totally trash my planned programming, I stopped at 21 (21 because I wanted to make sure I had hit 20 in case I counted wrong - it happens.) After finishing up my deadlift and kettlebell sets I ended up cutting out most of my accessory work because I've been fighting a cold for the last couple days and I'm winning, but I didn't want to push my luck by going balls-out in my workout today. I think it was the right call.

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Training:
Warm-up - foam rolling and Meathead Mobility (I don't do it all, but I run through most of the stretches and exercises and I definitely think it's an improvement over what I was doing before - aka not really warming up :)
Warm-up Deadlift: 135#x5, 165#x3
Conventional Deadlift: 135#x21, 199#x8, 8
Deficit Deadlift: 182#x10, 10
Kettlebell Swings: 20kgx25, 25, 20, 15, 15

Farmer Walks: 60# DBs x 30 sec x 4
Band Chin-ups x 3

Sunday Funday

Short list of things I love about TPS:

1) The people are super friendly, I've already met two other women who powerlift and train there, and overall every interaction I've had has been pleasant. I am willing to admit this may have a teensy bit to do with the fact that I am overflowing with enthusiasm, joy and goodwill for humanity pretty much every second I'm in the building since I'm still so thrilled to be training there.

2) There is a lot less creepy leering going on. The dudes are there to train, not stare at women. This is very nice.

3) The views of Boston are beautiful, and I think the amount of natural light really makes a difference in how I feel during and after training.

More to come on this list, I am certain :)

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Training today:

1A) Single-arm Floor Press (4x10)

1B) Lat Pulldown (4x10)

2A) Single-arm DB Row (4x10)

2B) Standing Tricep Extension (4x10)

Prowler Pushing: Sled+90#x200', Sled+180#x6x100' (9:43 total)

Kettlebell Swings 16kgx25, 25, 25, 25

Plank: 1 minute

Rep Squats

Well, Rep Squat Day definitely made up for the perceived easiness of Heavy Bench Day yesterday. I wasn't able to get through all the prescribed sets as I had to break up my pause squats into 4 sets of 5 instead of 2 sets of 10. Pause squats are killer, especially after already having squatted a whole mess of work sets. I'm definitely still adjusting to the higher reps with this program, and also really trying to make sure my form doesn't break down at any point. I feel like I have zero concept anymore of where parallel is when I squat. I am so paranoid about being no-repped multiple times at competitions that I think I drop too low and lose a lot of force and tightness in the hole, but at the same time I figure if I want to make sure I get clean lifts in competition I should probably just learn to squat ass-to-grass and add weight as I'm able.

My left knee held up decently well, it still bothers me randomly but I was able to get through all my planned work tonight so I'm happy with that.

And, as I assumed it would be, Friday evening training at TPS was awesome.

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Training today:
Warm-up Squats (regular bar): 45#x10, 5, 5; 95#x5; 115#x5; 135#x4
Competition Squats: 145#x10, 9, 8
Safety Bar Squats: 105#x8, 8
Pause Squat: 135#x6,5,5,5

Glute Ham Raise x 10, 10, 9, 10, 10
Snatch Grip Deads 135#x8, off blocks 165#x8, 8, 8
Farmer Carries (giant contraption+50# added weight) x 200' x 3


Band Chinupsx4 (supposed to do 5 sets of AMRAP each set, but at this point my grip was fried and I settled for one set.)

Heavy Bench Day

Sort of a strange day lifting today. It was "Heavy" Bench Day today, but the prescribed work sets for my competition bench were 95#x2repsx5sets. I trust the program but Lilly also says to add weight if the bar feels too light and take it off it it feels too heavy so going in I figured I would be adding weight to my comp bench sets. I actually only ended up adding 5# for the last three sets because even the 95# felt pretty weighty. Not sure if this is because I was up late last night watching the Sox (whoo hoo!) or if it's because my body is still adjusting to the new programming, or something else entirely.

It was a quick workout today, just over an hour of lifting. That's good since I am planning on squatting tomorrow evening instead of Saturday morning, but it still felt too short to me so I added in 4 minutes of Tabata rope work at the end. I think I drank too much coffee pre-workout too so I had some extra energy to burn off and 4 minutes of rope work took care of it nicely.

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Training today:
Warm-up (foam roll, mobility work, push-ups. band pull-aparts and band-pulldowns)
Bench Warm-up Sets: 45#x10, 65#x5, 75#x3
Competition-style Bench: 95#x2repsx2sets; 100#x2repsx3sets
Close-Grip Bench: 100#x3repsx2sets
Pause-Bench (pause 1" above chest): 90#x6repsx2sets

Tricep Pushdown: 60# (4x10)
DB Shoulder Press: 25# (4x8)
Eccentric Chin-upsx3,3,2,1

Tabata Rope Work - 4 minutes

Deadlift Day

I am really enjoying the Cube Boss programming. Doing so many working sets of my main lift (14 sets of deadlifts if you include my warm-ups) makes me feel like I am getting quality work in to make progress with the "big three" while the relative high-rep/low-weight nature of the sets (compared to my 5-3-1 program) combined with a fairly serious amount of accessory work means I've been getting a pretty consistent endorphin boost from these workouts too. Wins all around. 

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Training today - "Explosive" Deadlift Day

Warm-up Deads: 133#x5, 165#x5, 3

Competition Deadlift: 182#x3repsx8sets

2" Deficit Deadlift: 170#x8repsx3sets

Kettlebell Swings (in place of block pulls b/c the Y isn't equipped for rack pulls or block pulls): 20kgx25, 25, 20, 15, 15

Walking Lunge 30#DBsx10repsx4sets

Goodmornings 105#x10repsx3sets

Farmer Carry 70#DBsx20 secs; 60#DBsx23secsx2

Band Chin-upsx4,3,2

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p.s. I also drank twice as much pre-workout coffee as I usually do, so that might be contributing a small amount to my effervescent good mood . . . :)

Prowler = enlightenment?

This post is sort of all over the place. Sort of is an understatement. It also gets all touchy-feely about body-image and what-not, so, you know, fair warning.

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This morning at TPS while pushing the Prowler down the 100" of indoor turf they have there (AWESOMENESS), I looked in the mirror to check my form and had a shocking moment of realization, that I really do like my body. I like it all, not just my butt or my quads or my traps and shoulders that have all been wildly "improved" over the past couple years but even and perhaps especially my floppy hanging-down belly that was jiggling around as I plowed down the turf.

My stomach has always been the first thing I target in the mirror as the part of my body that I wish I could change. For years pretty much every glance in a mirror was a cringe-worthy experience for me as I was so deeply unhappy with the way that I looked (I'd say from about age 12 or whenever it is that girls start looking in the mirror and hating themselves, all the way through morbid obesity in highschool and college, right up until about two years ago at age 29, so yeah, a solid 17 years or so.) Though over the past few years I have gotten somewhat less mirror-apprehensive as I've gotten in much better shape, my stomach has been a reliable source of continued self-bashing every time I see it poking out over the top of my pants or pooching out against a clingy shirt or god forbid while bending over in a sports bra in public (THESE THINGS HAPPEN IN PT SCHOOL, PEOPLE.).

Strangely and wonderfully though, in that moment with the Prowler I really loved my stomach as a reminder of where I have been and how far I have come. The fact that it is floppy and jiggles around and hangs down when I push the Prowler is because it used to be huge and filled with fat and there's still a lot of extra skin hanging around, and it may hang around forever, and I am beginning to realize that if it does, that's totally ok. In some ways it's even better than having the ABzzzzz of my dreams because it's part of who I was, and who I was is an essential part of who I am.

I think this sudden wave of contentment is probably at least partly creditable to a few things, 1) my meditation practice, which is all about acceptance of what is, not what was or what will be (sounds sort of obnoxious and new-agey until you actually think about it, and then for me it just seems really true), 2) mad endorphins from Prowler pushing (I am a conditioning junkie for a reason), 3) feeling a degree of social acceptance and belonging at TPS that has been missing from the rest of my life.

In her book, Daring Greatly (which I think everyone should read, seriously), Brene Brown talks a lot about the importance of belonging and how not-belonging is the source of most shame. It's the idea that you are not thin-cool-pretty-smart-rich-powerful-educated-whatever-fill-in-the-blank enough to be accepted and valued by others. While I certainly feel a sense of belonging with my friends and family, and feel loved and cared for by many people and feel very lucky to have that, there are not many people who "get" the training part of my life, and why it is so important to me. Just being in the same room as a bunch of people (even if they're all strangers) who clearly place the same value on this activity that I'm so passionate about is really, really fucking cool. It helps complete another piece of the puzzle of my life that I'm trying to figure out.

So yeah, back to loving my belly. I think this moment of insight/self-awareness/ability to stop being such a dick to myself every time I look in the mirror, can at least be partly credited to feeling worthy, feeling connected, feeling less-alone in my weirdo hobby of choice. I'm not saying if I had gone to TPS years ago I would have found self-acceptance sooner (as years ago I obviously wouldn't have had any idea what to do in a gym like that, and certainly wouldn't have felt surrounded by like-minded people), rather I think I have been lucky enough to find the right place at the right time in my life, when I was ready for the insight and the opportunity to connect, and that being in that place facilitated this moment. I'm feeling extraordinarily grateful.

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Training today ("body day" or the day when I'm supposed to work on weak points with targeted accessory work and also try to give my legs a bit of a break.)

1A) Single-arm Floor Press (4x10)
1B) Lat Pulldown (4x10)
2A) Single-arm DB Row (4x10)
2B) Standing Tricep Extension (4x10)

Prowler Pushing: Sled+90#x200', Sled+180#x6x100' (9:40 total)
Kettlebell Swings 20kgx25, 20, 15, 10, 5
Plank: 1 minute

After my plank I was feeling so good I literally almost cried, laying in the gym all sweaty and spent and deliriously happy. When people say that the gym is an addiction they are telling the truth. The high is seriously high and always fun to chase.

Squaterday!

Training with Chris + Training at TPS = PRETTY MUCH THE BEST THING EVER.

Seriously.

It was explosive squat day on the Cube program, and I was a little anxious about squatting at all because my left knee has been feeling so shitty since the competition, but I figured with Chris there for advice I had a decent chance at getting a good session in. Overall it was definitely a success. My left hip/glutes have not been firing, which caused my deadlift day last Sunday to completely trash my back (and I'm sure didn't help my knee at all) and I wanted to avoid doing the same thing again today. I went through a thorough warm-up (Meathead Mobility by Molly Gailbraith) and Chris suggested some kickbacks against a wall to get my left side firing. I was able to get through all 12 (TWELVE!) sets of squats without any significant knee pain, and pretty much every rep was to depth.

Chris recommended I try the safety bar for my initial work sets, and I was glad he was there to set it up and explain it as it pretty much looks and feels like a medieval torture device. It definitely worked in terms of getting me to sit back into the movement and forcing my back to stay tight, this quick article from elitefts does a nice job explaining some of the benefits of the safety bar. Access to things like specialty bars is yet another amazing benefit of training at TPS, I get the sense it is definitely going to be worth the extra time and financial investment. And I just love the feel of the place.

I think we trained for close to two hours including warming up, but I seriously could have stayed all day if my body or my schedule allowed it. The only good thing about finishing training is that we went to Veggie Galaxy afterwards so I could get gluten-free pancakes (yay re-feed day!). So delicious. I am currently carb-dazed and starting to get really, really sore and feeling very, very content.

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Training today:
Warm-up Squats (regular bar): 45#x5, 5; 95#x5; 115#x5
Competition Squats: 135#x3, 3
Safety Bar Squats: 115#x3repsx4sets; 125#x3repsx2 sets
Front Squat: 95#x5; 115#x5
Pause Squat: 125#x8,7
(SQUATS ALL DAY, YO!)

Glute Ham Raise (another awesome piece of equipment at TPS) x 6,6,7,8,8
Farmer Carries (giant contraption+50# added weight) x 200' x 3
Snatch Grip Deads 135#x8, 155#x8, 8, 8

Cube Week 1 Rep Bench Day

Yesterday was Rep Bench Day on the new Cube Boss program I'm trying out, and it went pretty well. It's definitely a different feeling, as between the various styles of benching I'm doing 8 work sets, some with up to 12 reps per set which is crazy high for me. The weight is obviously a lot lower which also takes some getting used to and is humbling as it's a little rough to be struggling to push up 85# even if it is my 10th rep.

I was super muscle-fatigued immediately after yesterday's training and today am generally sore everywhere above my waist, including my abs which is a little weird since I didn't really do any direct ab or core work, but I think it's from trying to stay tight during eccentric pull-ups. I also noticed that my grip was getting tired pumping up a blood pressure cuff today, so clearly I got some good work in yesterday.

I took today off and went for a 20 minute walk after work instead of my planned hill sprints. My left knee is still feeling unstable and is occasionally painful coming up from a squat position, plus I put in 9.5 non-stop hours at the hospital today so am just wiped out in general. The recovery walk was added with prodding from my nutrition coach who thinks I should probably up my recovery game a bit to make the best gains in terms of strength and fat loss. She's been right so far so I figure it certainly can't hurt to try.

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Yesterday's training:
Warm-up (foam roll, mobility work, push-ups. band pull-aparts and band-pulldowns)
Bench Warm-up Sets: 45#x5, 65#x5, 75#x3
Competition-style Bench: 85#x12repsx3sets
Close-Grip Bench: 90#x6repsx2sets
Pause-Bench (pause at chest): 80#x10repsx3sets

Tricep Pushdown: 70# (4x10)
DB Shoulder Press: 20# (4x8)
Eccentric Chin-upsx3,3,3,2,1

And on the seventh day . . .

. . . God probably deadlifted. Because it's waaaaaay more fun than resting. Or at least it was for me today given that I have been resting all week and one more day of it was pretty much going to send me over the edge.

I trained at TPS today, and wow. WOW. I had really high expectations going in and it was seriously everything I thought it would be and then some. They have every piece of equipment I could possibly think of needing, plus things I've only ever seen in pictures, plus some stuff I have literally no idea what it is or how it's used but I'm sure it makes you wicked strong. It was pretty quiet which makes sense since I was there from 2-4pm on Sunday afternoon, but every single one of the 10-15 men and women in the building were attacking their workout with purpose and intensity and looked serious about it.  I found my people! Turns out they were hiding in Everett this whole time!

I deadlifted one of their FOUR lifting platforms, though my other option was pretty tempting as they also have a shed that exists for the purpose of being able to drop things (they ask that you not drop weight on the platforms.) That is correct, they have a shed for dropping weight. It is filled with atlas stones and loud metal music. I would have lifted there but I was too entranced by the platform and the beautiful views of Boston and the sun streaming through the giant windows (the gym is in an old industrial building in Everett and looks it, but it's simultaneously a really beautiful space.)

Right now I am hoping/planning to be able to lift there on Saturdays and Sundays (working on car-borrowing logistics currently), which means I'll usually be squatting (on one of their dozens of squat racks, seriously, dozens) and doing "body day" (all accessory work to help with my three main lifts), but hopefully in the future I'll be able to squeeze in a few deadlift days here and there as it really is the perfect environment.

Oh, and they have TURF and a PROWLER and SAND BAGS and TIRES and OMFGIAMINLOVEWITHTHISGYM.

I am aware that part of my obsession might be that this was also my first day back lifting heavy, and as my post yesterday indicated I was sorely in need of it. But even taking that into consideration I am still totally psyched about lifting at TPS. It feels like home. I have a feeling I'm going to be taking my gym-rat meathead antics to a new level and I am MAD EXCITED about it.

Training today: Heavy Dead Day (Day 1 of me trying out Brandon Lilly's Cube Boss program!)

Warm-up (foam rolling on PVC pipe - whoo hoo!, stretching, mobility work, lunges, KB swings)

Conventional Deadlift:
     Warm-up sets (135#x5, 165#x4, 185#x3, 205#x2)
     Work sets: 225#x2repsx5sets
Block Pull: 240#x2x2
2" Deficit Deadlift: 210#x4x2

Walking Lunges w/ 30# DBs 4x10
Good Mornings 95#x10, 10; 105#x10
Sandbag Carries - really heavy bagx3 laps on the turf
Band Chin-upsx4,4,3,3,3

Cue happiest post-workout feeling ever.

So yeah, not quite recovered yet

I went to the gym to lift today for the first time since the meet on Saturday. From previous experience I know better than to try to lift heavy within a week of a meet (I tried once and maxed out my deadlift at about 155#, it was painful.) Today my plan was to do low weight, high-rep stuff and just get my body moving and sweating a little bit to help with recovery. I'll start training again on my new program (woot!) on Monday, more on that later.

I thought I planned out a pretty light and easy program for myself and it did only take about 40 minutes total, but by the end I was still totally wiped, and right now I feel more like I just did a max effort deadlift day with Chris than that I spent 40 minutes doing some light-weight stuff at the Y. Ah well, it was certainly humbling and also a good reminder that my body still needs a few more days of rest and recovery before I can go hard again. As they say, recovery is as important and training for making progress!

Training today:
1) Front Squat 45#x10 (only one set because my left knee is acting up again so I want to lay off it until it calms down. I probably tweaked it on my failed 205# squat at the meet but hoping it shapes up by next week.)
2) Single-leg Dumbbell RDLs w/ 20# DBs 4x10
(random set of bicep curls with 15# DBs just for fun)
3a) Elevated push-ups 4x10
3b) Single-arm lunge rows 35# 4x10
4a) Barbell pushpress 55# 4x10
4b) Lat pulldown 100# 3x10 (skipped my last set because a guy was sitting on the machine and I didn't care enough to ask him to get off it, like I said, I was tired :)
5a) Planks 2x30secs
5b) Back extensions 3x10

Aaaaaaand . . . . exhausted.

Extended Meet Recap

I am thrilled and relieved and excited to report that I met my goal of a 600# total at the RPS/TPS Power Challenge meet in Everett, MA this past Saturday.

What follows is a lift-by-lift and moment-by-moment description of the day, feel free to scroll to the bottom for the very short summary of the day's lifts.

295# at lockout

I slept poorly on Friday night, which is pretty much the standard for pre-meet sleep. I got a lot of good rest earlier in the week, so wasn't too stressed about it, and most of the middle of the night wake-ups (which occurred at 12:30am, 1:00am, 2:30am, 3:30am, 4:30am and 5am when I finally just got out of bed) were due to excitement about getting the day started rather than anxiety. I ate my planned breakfast of a small piece of my usual fritatta with some salad greens and a bowl of cereal with a banana plus a protein shake. I  foam rolled and stretched at home and then drove over to the meet (big thanks to Wally for lending me her car for the day!) I played my big, loud, metal and angry rap competition mix on the way over and was feeling excited and in the competition groove by the time I got to the Everett Rec Center. One of my goals was to enjoy the day and try to have some fun, and the morning's giddy and amped-up mood seemed to be a good start.

I got the the Rec Center by about 7:20 at at the same time as my friend Keith, and just before Chris and Emily, with plenty of time to find a spot for my stuff and finish stretching and getting a little warmed up before rules clinic at 7:45am. When Gene Rychlak, the director of RPS, asked how many people were at their first meet or their first RPS meet, I think about 1/2 to 2/3 of the group raised their hands, which made me feel like a down-right veteran and definitely helped calm some of my nerves.

After rules clinic wrapped up around 8:05, I started warming up for the squat in earnest. I don't have specific weights and reps laid out for my warm-ups, because the timing can sometimes be a little unpredictable and you have to share 2 squat bars with the 20+ lifters who also want to warm up when you do, so I prefer to have a general idea of what I want to warm up with and then be flexible enough to work around what is on the bar already. I ended up warming up with something like 85#x5, 115#x4, 135#x3, 165#x2, 175#x1 and felt solid heading into my first lift. I was definitely nervous and a little jumpy and appreciated Chris' advice after watching my final warm-up lift - "Don't get excited and stay tight." My opener was 185#, a weight that I have been squatting for well over a year and a half and recently have been hitting for 4-5 reps at a time so was feeling very confident. Setting up under the bar I felt good, and the lift felt solid all the way down and up.

Walking away from the bar after having the back spotter clap me on the back and say "nice lift," I was shocked to hear "no lift" called out and had to confirm it with Chris. I was certain I had my depth and I knew I had waited for the squat command so I was incredulous that I had gotten a no-lift call. The announcer stated that if any lifter was unclear why they had been no-repped they should ask the judge right away, which is what I did. The first judge I asked said he had green-lighted me, but the second said it was for depth. I have since watched the video and feel really confident saying that I definitely hit my depth. I think it was a bullshit call and it was a rough way to start the meet, but I stuck with my 185# weight, stayed warm for my second attempt and dropped my ass waaaaaaay below parallel and held it there for a moment to make sure everyone was on the same page about this attempt. I got 3 green lights for that one, and probably wasted a lot of energy going so low and hanging there, but with a clean lift on the board I at least knew I was going to make it to the bench. (If you fail to get a clean lift in each event you are not allowed to continue to compete. It's called bombing out and it's pretty much every lifter's worst possible meet outcome.)

For my third squat attempt I went up to 205# which is my current meet PR and a weight that I am comfortable squatting to depth. Walking up to the bar I noticed it was racked up significantly to the left, and I should have either moved it back to the center myself or asked the spotters to move it, but I tend to get so nervous before each lift that stopping to re-adjust myself or the set-up doesn't even occur to me as an option. Instead I also set up to the left of center so I was underneath the bar, but I think it probably ended up messing up my pattern as I failed that lift about half-way up and basically fell to the left side and had to get help from all three spotters to not fall over. Watching the video though I am happy with my attempt to grind it out, I didn't give up until I was literally falling over, which is not something I think I would have been capable of in the past, as fear of failing would have had me bailing on the lift way before I actually physically failed it. Lesson learned: always pause and switch the set-up if you need to. Coming out of the squat with only 1 clean lift at 185#, I figured getting my 600# total just got a lot harder, as I would need to make up 20# with either my bench or deadlift number, but I tried not to focus on that fact too much and instead on staying warmed up and focused for the bench press.

Because I was the very last lifter in my flight (which was pretty cool as it meant that I was lifting decently heavy weight compared to a lot of the women lifting), I didn't have as long a wait between the end of squatting and the beginning of benching as I would between benching and the deadlift. I finished squatting by 9:15 or so and started benching at 11 and was probably done by 11:30 or 11:45, and wouldn't start deadlifting until almost 2. I cheered on Chris, Krys, and Keith as they squatted and towards the end of second attempts for their flight I started warming up for the bench press.

My warm-up for bench was pretty straightforward since I was starting so light. I drank some black coffee about 30 minutes before my first attempt and to warm up I hit 55#x5, 65#x4, 85#x3, 95#x2 and for a single with Chris giving me a hand-off and calling commands for a bit of final practice. My first attempt at 105# felt solid and easy, just as it should have. My second attempt at 120# felt like more of a struggle than it has been in the gym, perhaps due to fatigue or nerves or a combination. I think my set-up was solid but I definitely had to grind it out a little bit and my left butt came off the bench. I heard someone on the left side note that it had, but since my right butt cheek stayed down it was a clean lift. While waiting for my 3rd attempt which I had set at 130# since 120# was a significant struggle (I had hoped to be able to try for 135# but it seemed like too big of a leap at the moment), I developed some pretty painful muscle spasms in my right trap/rhomboid/levator and was worried what effect that would have on my next attempt. Chris worked on me for a few minutes with some scap distractions and mobilizations and that definitely helped calm it down but it was still twinging as I went into my 3rd attempt. Setting up for my 3rd lift I felt really good and solid, and confident that I would be able to move the weight, unfortunately that didn't turn out to be the case. I think I may have lost some of the tightness in my set-up on the way down, for whatever reason though I couldn't even begin to budge the bar off my chest and the judge called it quickly as a no-lift and the spotters pulled it off me. It was a weird feeling as usually I can at least begin to move the bar up even if I won't be able to complete the lift, but at that moment it felt glued down.

With 120# on the bench my running total was 305#, meaning I would need to pull 295# on deadlift, 35# more than my previous competition PR and 30# more than my most recent gym PR. At the time though I was more concerned about how tired I was feeling and how long a wait it would be before I would actually begin the deadlift as I figured I had at least 2 hours since I was in the first of three flights for the bench press but the second of three for the deadlift. I took some ibuprofin to ward off the beginning of an ache in my low back and tried to lay down and close my eyes for a few quick 5-10 minute periods to try to calm down a little and save some energy for the deadlift. I couldn't drink any more black coffee because it was giving me the runs (and trying not to shit your pants while pulling deadlifts is not fun), and although I had two sugar-free Red Bulls in my bag for extra energy as needed, I am always a little leery of getting TOO hyped up on supplements and caffeine as it can make me too anxious to focus.

In between pseudo-naps I also helped Keith with lift-offs for his bench press, and had a really good time cheering him on through a successful series of attempts. It was also super fun to see Chris hit a 300# bench PR. He really is a beast.

I started warming up for the deadlift about 30 minutes before I estimated I'd be lifting (ok, I totally had to ask Chris for help with timing, I don't know why but my brain can never do the math correctly at meets to figure out exactly when I should start warming up), and also drank a Red Bull, which definitely gave me a much needed kick in the pants energy-wise. I warmed up with 135#x5, 155#x4, 185#x3, 205#x2, 225#x1, 1 and 185#x3. The bar felt alarmingly heavy even at 185# and 205#, weights that I am used to handling pretty easily. I also felt like I was pulling really slowly and everything felt like a grind. The final 185#x3 set was on Chris' recommendation as way to practice driving my hips through and grooving the pattern without wearing myself out any more. I went into my first attempt knowing I could get the 245# up but I was worried about whether my form would hold up and what I would have left for my 2nd and 3rd attempts, keeping in mind that I needed to get 295# to reach a meet 600#. Going into my first lift I focused on repeating my set-up to myself over and over and on the fact that I have been lifting 245x5 recently. Happily, 245# came up super clean and easy and the look on Chris' face afterwards told me that it looked as easy as it had felt and gave me a ton of confidence going for my second attempt at 275#.

275# also came up pretty easy, though my back rounded more than I'd like, but it was a clean lift so I was happy. At that point I felt like I could probably pull 300#, but I knew I needed 295# to get my 600# total and didn't want to be greedy or throw myself off with the psychological intimidation of that big, round 300# number. I spent the time between my second and third attempts sitting alone against a wall with my favorite hype music blasting (thank you, Jay-Z, Kanye and Dorrough), focusing on only positive visualization of my having already completed the 295# lift and how good it felt to have done it. Going into the lift there was literally no doubt in my mind that I was going to be successful, and I think that certainly played a part in getting the weight up, as it was only a couple months ago that I failed to lift 275# in the gym. I think I need to be more aware of the power of positive focus and visualization and use this more often in my training. Realistically I also need to give some credit to Red Bull as I was pretty much buzzing with my own adrenaline combined with caffeine and whatever else they put in that little magic silver can.

As with all my heavy lifts, I don't actually remember the actual pull. I can remember setting up for it, and setting it down and walking away and completely freaking out in ungraceful, undignified, spastic, joyous celebration, but I don't remember what it actually felt like to lift the weight off the ground. I think that's partly because my brain is too focused on the lift itself to bother storing memories, and it's one of the reasons I use the same set-up and routine before each lift, so that I can basically switch the flip in my brain that says "deadlift," and not have to worry about the mechanics of the lift at all. I think it's also worth noting for me that before each of my deadlift attempts I was definitely the happiest I had been all day, actively remembering why I choose to spent my time training (because I love it) and focusing on how much pleasure I really do get from lifting heavy weights.

I do want to make sure I remember the tremendous feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction that finishing that lift gave me. The physical reaction (my spastic, unhardcore-powerlifter giddy dancing celebration) was a very visceral reaction to the tremendous feeling of joy and GOODNESS that I felt inside. To work so hard at something and to have it pay off in such a concrete way is truly, deeply satisfying. It was a really awesome moment and I feel so lucky to have had it.

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And, as promised about 17 paragraphs ago, here's the quick recap of my lifts:

Squat 1: 185#, no-repped by 2/3 judges for depth
Squat 2: 185# clean lift
Squat 3: 205# failed lift

Bench 1: 105# clean lift
Bench 2: 120# clean lift (15# meet PR)
Bench 3: 130# failed lift

Deadlift 1: 245# clean lift
Deadlift 2: 275# clean lift (15# meet PR)
Deadlift 3: 295# clean lift (35# meet PR)

Squatx5

Today was my last day of heavy-ish lifting before the comp. I worked up to squatting 185#x5, with every rep below comp depth, so am feeling very positive about using that as my opener next Saturday. Next week I'll probably only be at the gym once and will only be doing mobility work and moving the bar without any weight. In the past I have gotten nervous in these pre-comp deload weeks, that somehow 6 days away from the gym will cause me to lose all memory of how to bench/squat/deadlift properly and I'll do terribly at the competition. This is, of course, absurd, as the literally thousands of repetitions I have put in for each movement are so deeply ingrained at this point I think I could properly execute each one in my sleep (and sometimes do, as pre-comp dreams about lifting are not uncommon :)

Today's session was pretty different than 7 months ago when during my last heavy lifting day pre-comp I missed a lift, felt completely destroyed by that and sat on the floor for a good 5-10 minutes and tried not to cry. This was largely due to the fact that I had been dieting like a crazy person for over two months in order to get down to 181# for the comp and so I was pretty on edge and depleted of any emotional or physical reserves at that point. This time I around I feel about 1,000 times saner and more stable. I credit that to not trying to diet down to an unrealistic weight class for me, picking up a regular meditation practice, and I hope having matured a little bit as a lifter. I don't regret my decision to try for 181# last time around, as it was a tremendous learning experience and I'm still really proud of myself for doing it, but I'm glad that I'm lifting in the 198# class next weekend.